


Rising from the Ash

by sp1lt_1nk



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Adorable Jester Lavorre, Assassination Attempt(s), Attempted Murder, Body Modification, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Essek Thelyss-centric, Essek joins the mighty nein, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, POV Essek Thelyss, Tieflings, Trans Essek Thelyss, consensual body modification, implied but not stated - Freeform, widowgast's transmogrification spell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sp1lt_1nk/pseuds/sp1lt_1nk
Summary: essek is wanted by both the dynasty and the empire and his appearance is not very subttle, and with his and caleb's new spell... that may not be a problem.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	Rising from the Ash

now that both the dynasty and the assembly were looking to cut off loose ends, Essek had slipped back into the shadows. He had refrained from telling the Mighty Nien, he wished not to put both themselves and himself at more risk. however, after an almost assassination attempt, that plan seemed no longer effective.

The teleportation spell had been hasty and uncalculated, spitting im out several feet above the ground. His clothes were saturated with blood, the common clothes he’d packed in his bag were now slashed and slightly singed. Essek wasted no time getting unsteadily to his feet and starting the verbal component of a scrying spell. The somatic part was more difficult with one hand pressed to his chest where a bade was still lodged in him, but he managed. After ten minutes he left the scry take and he could see Jester. 

He almost started to focus on what she was saying before he hazily remembered that the location was more important. He desperately looked for a sign of where the group was, the trees weren’t purple like in Xhorhas. Jester and the blurry outline of Veth and caduceus were sitting against a rock face. Suddenly Fjord was in view, sword out and eyebrows furrowed. 

“Somone’s scrying on us,” he said softly over his shoulder.

“Maybe it’s because Caleb isn’t here-”

Jester’s voice was cut off as all Essek could see was Fjord’s sword slashing his scry in two.

The drow was suddenly brought back to his body, along with the searing pain of the knife in his chest.

Not wanting to waste time on another scry, Essek cursed silently as he prepared another teleportation circle. The odds of him even getting close to them was small, but not impossible.

The dice of fate were rolled and suddenly esske was in the heart of a forest, the trees similar to the ones he’s seen through his scry. For the first time in his long life, he called out for help, his voice cracking as he had to pause to cough up bloody spit. 

Blood dripped from between his fingers, down the hilt of the dagger and onto the forest floor.

drip 

drip

drip 

His time was ticking steadily, the beat of his heart getting left behind as it slowed. 

He called out again, stumbling from tree to tree, all of his magic wasted, no longer able to levitate. He was panicking now, and he almost laughed but instead choked on the copper tang in his mouth; as the Shadowhand he shouldn’t be fearful of death. Now he had changed. He had grown out of his cold shell, soft and vulnerable now that he had found something more than just books and spells. 

He heard shouting, the words swimming together. Maybe he had found them, he thought sluggishly as his legs gave out from under him, maybe hadn’t been too far off. 

“Essek!” 

His eyes shot open.

“Caleb,” he gasped as the wizard’s bony fingers grasped his face.

“Ja, it’s me, you- you just hold on- Jester, Caduceus!” the human sounded uncharacteristically dismantled. 

“fuck, he’s bleeding everywhere.” 

“Beau-” Essek started but coughed abruptly, black blood spraying from his mouth.

“You’re gonna be okay. Fuck, what the fuck why-”

“Poison.” Caleb’s voice was now strangely calm, and slightly cold.

Essek drifted out after that, only a sharp pain and then a gentle wave of relief to pull him out of the dark vignette that seemed to be clouding the outskirts of his vision. 

As Essek blinked blearily at the sky, Jester’s face crowded his vision. “Oh my god! Essek!”

“Jester…” his numb lips were tugged into a smile.

“Hi! You almost made me use a diamond,” she scolded, her momentary expression of annoyance immediately melted into a sad smile. “I'm glad you’re okay now. Do you want the dagger that was in you? It's very fancy.”

“Ah, no thank you, Jester,” he said, his accent thick and counting his words. He sat up and immediately felt his consciousness waver, his vision spinning. He started to fall back until large hands helped him sit him up again. “there you go Mr.Theyless.” Another gentle healing pulse pushed through his body. 

He still left achy as he got up, his body completely exhausted.

There were a lot of questions, most of which Essek couldn’t answer. 

“And then you ended up here?” Fjord asked, still awkwardly rubbing his neck after Essek had mentioned the scry. 

“Yes.”

Caleb was still holding onto the still tacky dagger that had impaled him. The drow felt the colour rush from his face at the sight of his blood still on the man’s hands. 

“You still look rather pale, Essek maybe you should sit down.”

“Yes, yes that sounds appropriate.”

He was in shock, his body shivering and still running on adrenaline. Yasha was the one to drape a blanket around his shoulders.

He never thought the spell made for Veth would be an asset to him. As much as he hated his body, he’d thought to permanently change it but now, after yet another day of putting the nien’s lives in danger, that Essek sat down an thought about it. 

He had been travelling with them for a month now, he had nowhere else to be and perhaps surrounding himself with allies and moving constantly was a better plan than becoming a hermit. Yet the bone-chilling anxiety of being recognized or attacked was taking a toll on him. 

He was far from the quaffed and spotless shadowhand. His clothes were much more form-fitting and bland, more practical for fighting and travelling, while his drow features were hidden by a hooded cloak.

He and Caleb had opted to remain in their shared room while the others got drunk off their earnings from the most recent contract. Essek was busy going over his notes of the spell, he had the gold to buy the gem dust and with the weather in such a sorry state, he would have no issue acquiring clay. He wasn’t as in shape as the others, he still had a bit of pudge on his stomach and thighs that he despised, but it wouldn’t be hard to find 150 pounds of clay in this weather.

“Do you think another tiefling would be a good addition to the group?” he asked impulsively, not even allowing the thought to filter through his mind.

“P-pardon?” Caleb stuttered as he seemed to come back to the world outside of his book. Essek gave him a moment to ponder the question. “Are you referring to a disguise for yourself tomorrow?”

It was a good idea to see how the skin fit before prematurely changing. Essek wished he had thought of that. “Yes, of course,” he replied cooly, dipping back into his spellbook.

“I think Jester would be happy to have a fellow tiefling again, if only for the day.”

“Again?” Essek put down his book, tired of reading the same words until they had no meaning. 

“Once, long before we met you, we had a friend who travelled with us for a while, another tiefling,” Caleb said, also putting his book down. 

“Not the adventuring sort?” Essek guessed. He’d only know the current members of the mighty nien, he hadn’t realized there was one missing. 

Caleb chuckled, his gaze distant. “Oh no, they were an expert of all sorts of… adventures. They, unfortunately, well…” 

“They died, I see.”

Caleb flinched. “Yes, if you put it so bluntly.”

“I apologize, my culture has little fear of death. But I know now not everyone has that pleasure.” 

“You are learning, slowly, but surely, friend.” Caleb paused but then looked back at Essek. “Im sure you’d make a good tiefling.”

Essek’s cheeks blushed a darker purple, as he quickly went back to copying spells after that. 

The next morning, as they were getting ready to do a bit of shopping Essek cast his disguise spell, making sure to sculpt his features in a way that would be different enough to not gather suspicion. His tiefling self had dark purple skin, not different from his usual skin tone. His hair was a light shade of lavender that matched his pupilless eyes. His tail was thin and has a pointed tip instead of the typical spade. His horns were much smaller than Jester’s and protruded from his forehead instead of above his pointed ears. They were slightly different lengths, and he found joy in the slight obscurity. 

“Cayleb! Let’s go already! Oh-” Jester stopped mid bounce as she flung open the door to Veth, Caleb and Essek’s room. 

“Hello! Caleb didn’t tell me that he was gonna get all sexy with-”

“Jester it’s me.” he interrupted, thankful that the deep blush that must be on his face wasn’t portrayed through his illusion.

“Oh! Hi Essek! I thought you were-”

“I know.”

“You look so handsome! Your hair is almost like Molly’s. It's a bit lighter than theirs, but it’s still so pretty.”

“It’s not pretty.” he snapped. He regretted making his hair longer, but Caduceus and Caleb had such lovely long hair; His hair had always needed to be kept short in the dynasty. 

“Did you not get any sleep last night? Were you and Caleb-”

“Jester,” he groaned in frustration, “Of course not.”

He started to use the lavender haired tiefling as his default disguise. He wished he didn't have to still wear his heavy clock under the effortless-looking second skin, but the bright sun had started to give him a terrible burn if he didn’t. 

A few days later he requested to talk to Caleb alone in their room at the inn to discuss a permanent change of identity. 

“Is everything okay, Essek?”

“Yes, but I'd rather not talk about this with the others just yet,” he said, placing the pouch of gem dust in front of Caleb. “I want to change myself, physically, just as with Veth.

“Ja, okay,” Caleb mumbled, taking the gem dust and pocketing it. “When would you like to perform the ritual? 

“Tonight, outside of the town.”

“Are you sure? Essek this uh, this is a big step, no?”

“I wish to be able to feel the sun, Caleb. I’ve never seen the world like this. And I wish to be myself, and not waste spells on disguises. I never got to live, Caleb. I have the chance now, without shackles. Well… not yet anyway.” He laughed to cover the sudden pit of dread that had opened in his stomach. 

“But your lifespan, your dunamancy, all of this,” Caleb gestured to Essek,” you will lose this.”

“Widowgast, some things are meant to be lost; besides, you use dunamancy and you are only a human.”

Caleb gave a curt laugh but then settled back to a serious expression. “You are already so old, what if your body dies. Tieflings do not live past one hundred years.”

“Elves age differently to other creatures. I would be in my mid-twenties if I were a human.”

“Are you positive?” the man asked, packing so may question into just one.

“Yes.” Essek had never been so sure in his life

They made an excuse about a black market for spell books to escape the rest of the group, making sure Jester or Beau were not following them before Essek teleported them to the tree line of the nearby forest. the ground was still soft from the constant downpour, the water squelching beneath their feet as they marched deeper. 

They dug up clay for an hour, the grit lodged under his fingernails and in his hair. Essek was alright with nervous energy, excited to be something new, to leave the past behind...but also anxious to leave Essek Thelyss in the ground. He had liked the power, enjoyed the dark robes with the heavy mantle, the thrill of knowledge, the role of the prodigy; a drow far too young to have his position. He had earned it.

But he sat on a throne of corpses; he could now smell the stench of their rotting bodies. 

Besides, a new body meant no longer waiting for death to bring him his proper form. He could now mould himself into his exact vision of himself, no longer burdened with telling scars and useless flesh. 

Of course, he had always pictured himself as a drow, but the purple tiefling form would be similar enough. 

Over the days of perfecting his disguise, Essek had meticulously planned his new skin, making sure to envision everything just right. He’s planned a few imperfections, of course, one couldn't be perfect and expect to blend in. He had given himself freckles, much like Veth’s all over his body, only slightly darker than his skin tone, and a slightly crooked nose, just enough to look broken and then set. He’s also copied Beau’s eyebrow scar. As much as he disliked his other current scars, he figured that he would simply rearrange them to a more natural location, two faint lines across his ribs on the left side as if he had been clawed.

The worked silently to encase Essek in the wet clay, all of his clothes except his underthing safely set to the side. Caleb gently dusted him in the gem powder, he never seemed a sensual man, but the way he seemed to trace sigils onto Essek's body made some of the tension leave his muscles as he fully relaxed into the cold mud. 

“Do you have something in mind?” Caleb asked as he carved the runes into the wet ground around Essek. 

“Yes, would you like to see?” he asked with a smirk.

“I think it would be helpful to know what to turn you into- scheisse.” Caleb interrupted himself as Essek transformed himself mid-sentence. “Ja, ja that will be good.” 

The human was blushing; Essek’s superb night vision could easily pick up on the difference in tone.

Essek had a new admiration for Veth as the spell took hold, the heat was always edging on pain, as if one more second would cause Essek to burn. However, Essek had learned that there needed to be trust between the caster and the target for the spell to work. Essek had an immeasurable amount of trust in Caleb. 

There was a point where Caleb’s mind seemed to become his as their minds collided. It was similar to a sending spell but lasted much longer. They did not exchange words, at least Essek couldn’t discern individual sounds, but some form of emotions. Caleb was a blur of excitement and worry, a warm orange and gold tangle of lines; a ball of yarn that had been unravelled and too tangled to tell the end from the beginning. 

Essek tried to school himself into a calm ripple of blacks and blues. His own emotions felt like silk slowly drifting in the currents of the ocean, dark and gentle. 

Essek didn't realize it was over until his body was dropped back to the ground with a wet thud. He felt as though all the bones in his body were slightly bruised. His chest heaving and his lungs sucking in as much air as they could.

Caleb wasn’t much better. His body was covered in mud and his hair had been slicked down by the rain. He was breathing hard as well, his arms braced on his knees but his expression was of excitement and barely contained wonder when he looked up from the ground.

The man offered Essek his hand and pulled him to his feet. Essek was taller now, a few inches taller than Caleb. He was also practically naked, his soaked under-cloths left nothing to the imagination as they clung to his slightly larger frame. 

Something tapped Essek’s calf, causing him to yelp in surprise. The culprit turned out to be the long tail that now swayed side to side. Essek’s hands immediately went to his chest and then to his face. 

“I think it worked, my friend,” Caleb said, his face looked tired but his smile was genuine, “but, we should head back, the others might become anxious if we are away for too long.”

“Can we-” Essek stopped, his voice was slightly different, a little deeper and slightly gravelly. But his request was unnecessary. Caleb was right; they should head back to the inn immediately. 

“Hmm?” Caleb hummed, prompting Essek to continue.

“It’s rather frivolous, pardon my interruption.” he started to tug on his clothes, thankful that they were slightly too large to begin with. “It was a lapse in judgment.”

“Essek, you are allowed to want things, your past doesn't restrict you-”

“It's nothing, Caleb. Truly.”

“Will you at least humour me? What was your request.'' 

“Perhaps later, when we are back to the inn.” Caleb was too persistent and it bugged Essek. He knew he was permitted to have desires and wants. But he also knew that in the hierarchy of the mighty nien, he was the lowest tier. His desires and wants were, in his mind, less important and unnecessary at the current point in time.

Essek waited until they were back in their room before quietly saying, “I just had wished to see the sunrise, that is all.” 

“It’s not as if you have never seen a sunrise, Thelyss.” Caleb was trying to tease him, but Essek's heart sank a little despite preparing himself for mockery the whole walk back.

“Yes… but... it’s frivolous as I had mentioned.” Essek lay on his bed, staring at the cracks on the ceiling. He could feel Caleb’s eyes on him. “ Jester and Fjord were talking about the sea and how Beautiful it was in the early morning.”

“It is rather spectacular, ja.”

"In Rosohna everything is dark and grey. Since knowing you all there has been more colour in my life and it intrigues me. I want to see more of the world," _with you_ he doesn't add. 

“We have the rest of our lives in front of us, Essek. You will damned well see the ocean, that I am sure of.”


End file.
